Rant

I'm supposed to be lying on my bed with my eyes shut right now, but I shall blog a little since I haven't been blogging...

Been on a Tumblr rage lately again. Guess it's the stress that is building in me... I guess, Tumblr brings me into another world I've never imagined myself to be at. Whether they are models, ordinary people, clothes, cities, flowers, or even the most boring thing being photographed, these pictures turn out to be so good, you can't help but to reblog. When you look back at your own Tumblr, it just makes you smile or feel sad just because those pictures which you've reblogged represent who you really are, how you felt at that point in time when you reblogged, or even how you are feeling at the moment. Tumblr is just so amaaaaazing. You see all the beautiful people who most likely you'll never bump into, you see those cities and scenery which you may never get a chance to see in your whole life since the world is that big. You see the way people dressed up and you get inspirations from their outfits. They have the most amazing boots, outerwear, denim shorts, bralettes etc and you always wonder where they get them from. You get jealous cause you want them so badly, and the people look so flawless and you are dying to look as good as they are and as much as you are full of envy, you reblog the pictures anyway because the people just look so good in them/the items look so good even when photographed without being worn.

Tumblr, like any other social platform, started out slow and quiet. Then more and more people use it and now people are saying its overrated. No doubt it is, but overrated doesn't mean it has lost all it's goodness. Yeah I know, some desperate people actually start asking who and who to follow them that kinda shit. But this doesn't make Tumblr any less worthy because thousands and thousands of pictures are being reblogged every minute, every hour, everyday. You stop Tumblr-ing for a few minutes and when you refresh the page, a whole load of fascinating goodness will just spam your Tumblr newsfeed again.

Alright, rant is over. Goodnight xx

Granny passed away yesterday morning. We were damn lucky to be able to talk to her (even though she didn't respond) before her heart stopped beating. Each time we talked to her, her rate of heart beat increased. I just hope it would resume back to normal and the doctor would tell us she's out of danger. Two days ago, I just visited her. I even told myself to visit her last night. But it's all too late. I miss you a lot, grandma. I remember when you could still walk, you would go downstairs and ask us to stop swimming and come up for dinner. You would buy random accessories for us. You would buy the school bags with wheels for us just because it's in trend and you knew we would like it. You would cook excellent Nonya dishes for us because you're a Nonya. Your balachan prawn is the best, and your soup... Everything. And after you didn't have enough strength to stand long enough to cook, we started to eat outside. Then you didn't have strength to even walk, you used the walking stick, as much as you didn't want to, because you said it's ugly. Then you had no choice but to sit on a wheelchair... And hospital was like a second home to you. You grumbled about the pain all day long, you refused to eat medicine, you had no appetite, but we couldn't do anything. You told us almost everyday how much you wanted to leave this world so all these suffering could end. Now, you're in another place. A happy place, where you are reunited with grandpa, and you need not suffer anymore. A place of no worries... A place where you can watch over us. Thank you Grandma for your love and concern ever since I was born. You won't be able to read this, but I hope you would be able to feel it, cause I'm whispering it to you with my heart.

I've said whatever I wanted to say. Now I just feel so light. Like I'm floating in the air. Not literally, of course. The load is off my shoulder, finally. No matter what it goes, just go with the fucking flow~~~

And X'mas gathering at Dino Store just now was so fucking FUN. I'm so happy. I seldom celebrate X'mas but I believe this celebration with the dinosaurs will be one of the best celebrations in my whole life. The sound of laughter spreading across the store as we teased each other, the sound of people chatting about the whatnots of their lives, the crumpled sound of the wrapping papers as we had our gift exchange, the sound of people jumping for joy as we received the gifts... Honestly, I've never felt this way for a long time. My childhood was so much more interesting than my present state. When I was in primary school, we had gift exchange among our cousins. And I remember we were so afraid to receive present from this particular aunt cause she would gift the receiver assessment books. HAHA. But now to come to think of it, maybe the present might not be as satisfying, but the temporary happiness when she handed the gift to the receiver existed for a few seconds. Haha. The adults stopped the gift exchange after a few years because they wanted to cut cost. Now you heard it, fuck you inflation. Then we would eat our share of the log cake delightfully. Come to think of it, unlike occasions when we sing "Happy Birthday", there isn't any particular X'mas song which we will sing before cutting the log cake right? Unless there are people who sing:

You better watch out

You better not cry

You better not pout

I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

before they start to cheer and clap and then proceed to cut the log cake. Haha.

But this year I'm so really, extremely happy. It might just be a simple celebration but for once, after such a long time, it just felt like Dino Store was back to how it was a year ago. This familiar feeling just warms my heart now whenever I think of the earlier celebration we had. :) I'm going to sleep happy later. Ah yes, I promised myself I would wake up at 7 for a jog but lookie at the time, it's 3:00 AM now. Guess I shall persuade mommykins to jog with me at night then.

Toodles you poodles.

I wish the Santa who is dropping by my house later will not get stuck in my chimney haha

And tomorrow morning I will build a big and a small snowman right outside my house and they will be facing my direction as I enjoy a cup of hot chocolate seated near the fireplace.

And of course I will play with my pet, Rudolph as well!

Sigh, and all these are just part of my imagination. :(

&

"&": This will remind me to move on in life no matter what happens.

Forgive, but never forget. It's still hard for me to try to even think that everything is fine, and we're back to normal. The truth is, this has happened too many times and I am so used to this. I need time.

I don't know what I'm thinking right now. My mind is in mess. I ought to reply... I know. But I'm really sick of you coming up with so many excuses. Really, you say you are tired and sick of your life. You think I'm enjoying it? Work school work school. A fucking no lifer. Now now, I'm not going to compare how pathetic our lives are cause everyone leads different lives. But you should know that in order to make something work, you need to put in effort - understanding and concern. You don't score in an exam without revising for it; You don't speak a language well without learning the bits of it and piecing them together; you don't learn how to ride a bike without falling hard enough.

I remember the last time when we texted continuously throughout the night. You were facing some problems and I felt your sadness and worries. I am thick skinned enough to admit that I was there for you. But when everything was fine in the end, you disappeared as soon as you just appeared.

I'm feeling so confuzzled now but I don't know who to turn to. This sucks. Sleep is the best remedy.

You're going away tomorrow, and I only know cause you blogged about it? Haiya seriously I fuck care already luh, do whatever that makes you happy. Three cheers for our friendship? Hahaha biggest joke of the year.